I suppose I should take some time to let you all know who I really am. I suppose those of you who follow this (well, the three of you) should have an idea of who the author and photographer of all this is.
Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a creature of habit. The things I enjoy, I enjoy repeatedly. Books I like, I will read a hundred times. I am such a fan of the Dark Tower, My first tattoo was related to that book series. Movies I enjoy will become the bane of the existence of others around me. I’ve watched the TV series Firefly countless times and I own copies on Amazon, iTunes, DVD, and Blue-Ray. When I first watched The Martian, I was instantly hooked. I own the DVD, a digital copy, the book, and the audiobook. I like to identify with characters in media and see my own virtues and flaws in them.
I’ve spent 180 days working in Puerto Rico (with two short trips to the US of about 10 days each) and during that time, I’ve been on the clock for 2180 hours. While I absolutely had a job to accomplish, I have enjoyed lots of down time to think and plan and dream. Binge watching both new shows and my favorites, I’ve begun to sum up my life and define who I am in a way I can relate to others.
I am not Rosemary’s granddaughter, nor the spitting image of my father. That would be Jessica Andrews. But like Jessica, sometimes I am clueless and I’m clumsy. I’m not Malcolm Reynolds. But I am loyal to a fault when it comes to my friends. I am not a Heisman Trophy winner, nor am I a sports enthusiast of any kind. I am not a parent, but I am always fascinated by people rendered speechless when I show proficiency at kid related activities. One of my fondest memories is of two female friends watching, with unhinged jaws, as I changed a diaper, with great success! I will never be Mr. America, nor do I have the desire to even try. So, I’ve spent time telling you who I am not. Who am I at heart?
There are a myriad of TV shows, movies and books I find myself identifying with. Big Bang Theory definitely comes to mind. I can easily identify with Leonard, falling in love with a beautiful woman who is out of his league. My heart always led me towards the unattainable. Raj, who cannot talk to women. I find myself tongue tied in any number of situations. Carrying on a conversation with a beautiful woman, or even letting her know I’m interested is beyond my ability. Someone once offered to teach me how to pickup chicks in a bar. That never happened, so there’s one skill I do not possess. Howard with this quirky, childish sense of humor. I have my share of childish guilty pleasures. Star Wars, Star Trek, among others still hold a place of importance in my life. And Sheldon. Filled with anxieties and eccentricities. That, sadly sums up most of my existence.
Oddly, I find myself identifying with Hawkeye in M*A*S*H. Watching him in every episode face the inhumanity of war with irreverent humor and a sense of fairness made me realize that one can do the right thing and still be a productive member of society. If that person does not always follow the rules, the right thing can still be accomplished. His decisions were always for the greater good. I even envied his casual ability to attract nurses, a skill I will never possess.
Watchmen brings one character to mind, Rorschach. Here was a character that sees the world in black in white. There are no shades of gray. Everything is an absolute and, in the end, he could not live with a lie, even if that lie was beneficial to all mankind. He chose death over living with that lie. I see absolutes in too many situations. There are no shades of gray in life. One either is in love with someone or they are not. They are either committed or they are not. We all have needs. We all have desires. There is no gray area there. I am either committed or I am not. There is no in between.
The Dark Tower brings us Roland. A man on a quest that spans a thousand years. He sacrificed all to further his quest. His surrogate son drops to his death because Roland needs to find his Tower. I’ve had many “towers” in my life. My latest is my quest to change my life and focus on what I need. And like Roland, I think staying focused on the quest is important, but helping those along the way is just as important. We cannot lose ourselves in our quest to find what is important to us.
Finally, watching Monk has shown me the power of love. Here is a man who was so in love with his wife that he was literally crippled by her loss. I had that kind of love. A love I cannot function without. A love that I did not want to function without. The scenes where he reflects on the love he shared with Trudy are what I wanted in my life. A partner who accepted and loved me and my eccentricities. A partner I could grow old with and experience all life has to offer. But alas, I will wander this world alone. I’ve given up on there being that one special person in the world for me.
But enough depressing thoughts. I am on a quest to backpack the world. To see every corner of existence. I am committed to me. I am committed to sharing my experience, not with one special someone, but with everyone through these writings. I hope you have a better sense of who I am and I hope you continue to follow my journeys!